Shy people often have problems that outgoing people could never even imagine.
I do mean shy, not necessarily quiet. Shyness is basically defined as being nervous or timid in the presence of other people. For me, I am only shy around people I do not know well, and it is seriously crippling!
For example, there’s this mom at the preschool that I want to be friends with. No, actually, I need to be friends with her. Why? Because she’s the mom of my little boy’s best friend. We’ll call the friend Lawrence. (No one’s ever named Lawrence anymore, so why not?)
John David talks about Lawrence incessantly.
“Lawrence is my best friend.”
“I want to go play with Lawrence.”
“Can I go play at Lawrence’s house?”
“Lawrence wore a Superman shirt today.”
“Lawrence said ‘butt.’ HAHAHAHAHA!”
You get the idea.
Three days per week I get 2 chances per day to meet Lawrence’s mom.
I have the chance at drop-off, and I have another chance at pick-up. TWO chances!!
This sounds easy enough, right? I’ve already figured out which mom she is. I know what she looks like. I’ve even figured out that she has two children at the preschool.
Am I starting to sound like a Lawrence mommy stalker???
But y’all, I can’t do it! I can’t get up the nerve to introduce myself. Why? Is she mean?
No.
Is she aloof and unapproachable?
No. She actually looks like someone I’d love to be friends with. Her hair is usually in a messy bun or pony tail (just like me). Her hair is red (just like mine). She seems laid back too. She is often running late at pick-up I’ve noticed, not bad late, just a little later than me. Believe it or not, I’m usually early for that……except those 2 days that I forgot to pick him up entirely……
This is what it’s like to be shy, y’all.
Either shy or just completely off my rocker, you decide. But I CANNOT get up the nerve to say hello.
It’s like my mouth refuses to open. There’s no getting me to speak.
I just want to introduce myself so maybe I can make a new friend and so that I could invite Lawrence to play with JD sometime, but alas. I’m the shy girl who can’t open her mouth.
When I’m new somewhere I get like this. When I’m comfortable in a place, I’m not like this at all. That’s the thing about being a military wife and moving so much. I keep getting thrown back into terrified, shy April mode.
It’s like I’m in middle school all over again, and I’m back to being the only geeky cheerleader on the squad, not daring to open my mouth.
People who know me well would be shocked because so many of them think I’m all bubbly and outgoing, but that’s only if I already feel like I belong. I don’t know how long it will take me to settle in here and let my guard down. It’s been 9 months. I’m still not there yet.
Do you struggle with shyness when thrown into a new situation with new people?
What strategies do you use to overcome it? I usually smile at people to try to get them to start a conversation since I’m incapable of it, but that doesn’t seem to be working.
So I’m open to all suggestions. How do I break the ice and introduce myself to Lawrence’s mom? Share all tips you have in the comments! Thanks, y’all!!
April
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Story of my life! But maybe put everything on John David and say…” you know my son John David just talks about Lawrence all the time. Maybe we can get ‘them’ together to play one day?”
Ooo thank you, Stacie. For you and I, it was so much easier b/c we had our outgoing husbands arranging things. But Alan can’t help me here since he doesn’t even know where JD’s classroom is. I will try. I will try really hard to say this. 😉
You had described me (and also my son) to a “T”. It is hard! I like that you used the word “crippling”. What has worked for me in the past…and not to say this like one of those flippant, over-used, pious answers but in all sincerity… is to say a little prayer before (or when) your paths cross. Ask God for the courage, or ask Him to allow the other mom to start a conversation. He knows your heart and your needs, as well as your son’s need for friends. Take a deep breath and Go For It. Do it for your son. What’s the worst that could happen? Phil. 4:8- “…Think on things that are true…” You don’t know what will truly happen until it actually happens, therefore, all pre-meditated thoughts of “what if..” are not true. 🙂 🙂
As a military wife, I can relate to this on so many levels. We moved so many times (9 times in 11 years) that I started putting up walls to avoid close friendships and the hurt that inevitably comes when either they would leave/move away or we would. Wise counsel from a more mature military wife made me realize all the things wrong with that outlook. But still, I was not the one who reached out first. It is difficult. The struggle is real and doesn’t get easier just because we are older. 🙂 🙂
That’s so true, Debbie. It’s funny that it never occurred to me to pray about this, when I am always telling other people to pray about things. I didn’t even think about praying about it until I hit “submit” on this article, and then I thought, ‘huh. I should probably have prayed about this.” But it’s not too late, so I will pray before I even go there on Tuesday!
I’ve been building walls too, the older I get, we are about to being our 16th year in the military, the thicker and more unpenetrable I feel like my walls are becoming. I don’t want the walls. I didn’t mean to make them b/c I totally agree with you that that’s just a good way to become lonely and friendless, which is not at all what I want.
Thanks for this pep talk, Debbie!
OMG… it’s me you described in this post .. the same thing happened to me.. my lo wants to play with our neighbor girl who is also his classmate.. i tried to smile at her mom when he came to send off and pickup her at school bus.. but she is always busy it seems. So on this spring break my son was nagging and so i asked him to go and knock on her door. when she opened ,he asked her that can she send ‘jg’ to play with him some time.. she looked at me and i smiled and introduced myself and asked her to send ‘jg’ some convenient time to play with my kid.. Till now we are not v gud frds.. but she send her daughter quiet often to play …
See! I knew I wasn’t alone in this. What you did was awesome, that was a big win for your little lo. Now your next step is to have a whole conversation with neighbor. Ha! I bet something will happen and you’ll have to talk anyway. Something is always happening when kids get together. Proud of you! Inspired.
Have you thought of just assigning your son the task of asking the other Mom for a playdate? My daughter does that for us all the time ; ) I’m not shy, but I am an introvert. And my daughter is outgoing enuf for both of us. Sometimes she invites people over for dinner that I have never even met! : )
Thanks for the ideas. Sometimes my kids used to invite people over that I’d never met too, and it scared the mess out of me. But I have good news. There was a field trip last week that made it to easy to meet her. Yay!
This is why I’m glad our school has a class directory, so I can just find Lawrence’s mom’s email address and send her a friendly “Hey, want to come over and chat while our kids play?” email. Making adult friends is hard.
#happynowlinkup
YES!!! Email is the perfect shy girl go to!! But there is no class directory. How I wish. how I wish.
Ugh, yes! I’m so ridiculously shy, and my husband (the outgoing one) has no idea what it’s like. I’ve worked on it over the years, but there are still some situations where I just can’t figure out what to do or who to talk to. Here’s hoping you get the chance to talk to that other mom sometime soon, and thanks for sharing at the #happynowlinkup!
Thank you! Out going people can’t possibly understand how hard it is. Good news! There was a field trip, so I actually got to talk to her fairly easily since he and J.D. were glued to each other’s sides, and we were their tag-alongs! Yay! And she was just as awesome as I thought she’d be.